Weird

Well...hello I go back after finished my middle test...

It's cloudy night...
So, I'll tell you the reason why I open this blog and decided to write some words here... Last night I was open someone's blog........my dad student's girlfriend who's now is like my brother... You may belive me or not but.... I suddenly cry when read her post...in every her post that tell about her boyfriend. That's to simply cute and...hurt anyways... And I was so amazed with her career. Awesome banget deh duar duarrr...
I've learned everything from her blog... I learn to be more focus with my school and I really really want to can make my dream come to be true. I also learn to be stronger girl. Annnddd, I like her write' style...it's adorable...maybe someday when I meet her I'll learn how to make a good post. Hehehe

It's about saturday night...and I'm not goin' anywhere...here, in this house with my grandma... My mom taking my dad to the hospital...he was sick...since yesterday... I've been so sad today... I don't know what should I do tonight... I feel so alone... I really want to make a conversation, but that's not easy for me to say what I'm thinking now... Seems like nerves in my brain lost a connection to making some sentences.

Today, they--and him can't come to my home because all of them prepare for piktar that would begin on the next week. And he didn't reply my message...uh... He's not anyone for me juga sih haha ((: I think he's busy now...because his friends from another academy kan come to Surabaya._. I just worry with his healthy... I always texts to remind him for eat...but he never want to hear my advice about this a ny more-_-

Surely, first I don't have any words to describing my feeling...today. Since this morning, Idk why these tears can comes suddenly...and they're continue to running out then fallin and fallin without I knew the reason why... I just feel so sad with my condition now... It's like I lost something but Idk what... Do you ever feel the same? uh? It's hard right? You can't find the reason why are you feeling so sad and what actually make you cry...

Time flies so fast, life goes on and so people changed. And I did it too. I think I've changed. I can't lie. I'm not sure when I actually 'act' to be another of mine. Yes, that's true...everybodys always have two sides. But...since in senior high school...........in front of them (my shs' friends) I ACT TOO MUCH. I'm not grass who hasn't friends anymore or I'm so nerd because now I stand in somewhere that I never expected before. No I'm not. That's totally wrong. I've tried and learn to be comfort in here with all of these situation that I never dream before without my bestfriends. Whereas we're only separated by a school' fence. But we seldom to meet. I can't find someone who 'truly' can accept me for who I really am. Who can hear my curhatan which not important at all haha :'') (ps: sometimes when I think about it...I feel like I'm lil bit crazy...but that was so fun hehe...I need to be heard by someone... And thanks for it...now I really need someone like you--all of you guys), who can see my cryyy, because I was so UNSTABLE! wuahahaha =))

Back to the first._. The point is...I haven't get a 'close friends' yet. Ugh, that's a bad thing? Um yeah :(
Idk why now I'm too difficult to start a conversation with people...whereas I'm a talkative and cheerful girl when I was in junior high school. It may cause I don't like 'em? Or should I jb jb (join bareng.red) when they were planning or talking about something? But...I don't like that way anymore._. Now...I'd like (or maybe the right word is choose) to be quiet and a passive person. Idk what can make me changed my mind like that. Annnd, the worst thing...I would never ever let myself to grow like I wrote in the above. HAAAH! I MISS BEING OLD OF ME. Sorry I'm error, confused, getting frustrated...and...NOOO-_- huhuhu :(

I need someone who can hear my feelings...
a fingertips that will wipe a tears in my eyes...
a shoulder to leaning on when I cry...
a sentences that will make me believe if I'm okay and everything will be goin' allright...
Hope someday, somewhere I can meet that person...

Ps: Mmm...why I write this post using a full of english is because I really really want to make my english' skill better... So, I need to practice it. Hehe, I'm sorry for the bad grammar-_-v But my dad told me, if we don't need to worry with grammar...it doesn't matter... Because the important thing is someone you've talk to can get your point... Last but not least...please correct my english and tell me what my mistakes. So I can reform it^^ Thanksss

Let's enjoy this night :) love y' all :3