mesti gini

Nyaw nyaw nyawww...

padahal tadi sebelum buka blog udah kepikiran bakal nulis apaan...eh begitu udah buka malah bingung mau nulis apa -.- takut serba salah nulisnya... takut dibilang "wani e mek ngomong nang mburi... nek gak seneng yo ngomong nang ngarep rek" (beraninya cuma ngomong dibelakang, kalo emang nggak suka yang ngomong aja didepan-red.) yak itu sepenggal kalimat boso suroboyoan yang maksudnya...bisa dibilang...orang backstab kali ya... eh nggak juga ding menurut saya hehe...

apa ya...tentang hal dan masalah yang sama. yang udah saya bolak-balik ceritain ke siapapun! ya siapapun yang mau dengerin masalah saya yang satu ini. udah berulang kali. sama orang tua--ibu terutama, murid-muridnya bapak yang udah saya anggep sebagai kakak sendiri. saya? rumput? nggak juga sih sebenernya.

ceritanya as I told you in my last post...I never feel 'comfort' in my new class (ps: sorry for my classmates but this is what I truly feel.) saya cuma merasa....saya itu invisible bagi mereka (lil' bit part of them)... apa ya... seems like they never can appreciate me. dengan apa yang sudah saya punya sekarang. saya memang nggak mau melebih-lebihkan juga sih. ya saya mohon maaf juga buat sebelumnya. saya tau, dengan saya nulis kaya gini...juga nggak akan menyelesaikan masalah yang kalo orang bilang masalah ini dibuat-buat sendiri sama saya. dan saya juga tau, suatu saat saya akan kecewa berat telah nulis tentang ini. tapi, ya memang benar gini adanya. apa yang saya--dan kaum minoritas yang lain dikelas rasakan. you should know about this guys. please understand us and let me give an opinion. orang yang bijaksana adalah orang yang selalu mendengarkan opini orang lain bukan?

bukannya saya mau sombong atau gimana. didalam lingkup ini, saya termasuk golongan yang tengah-tengah. mulai dari segi keluarga, sekolah, prestasi dan segala macam hal. tapi...mesti, selalu... kita...yang...golongan anak diem-nerd-weird atau apalah kata-kata kalian untuk mendeskripsikan kami. kita memang nggak selalu bisa diajak pergi-pergi. but somehow, we're all normally teen. we need to go out with our friends. at least you have to ask us for join with all of you for having fun. but, you--all of you never do it. ne-ver.

kalian anggap kami ini siapa? kalian dengan seenaknya sendiri. ibarat kata seperti bikin keputusan bak suatu pemerintahan tanpa minta persetujuan rakyat jelata nya gitu. kita disini, sama-sama belajar. punya kedudukan yang sama. masih kelas satu sma. ya kan? tapi apa...terkadang...kalian memperbudak kita. dan bodohnya lagi kita mau. kalian mau tau alasan yang sebenarnya? kita takut...kita hanya takut lebih tidak dianggap lagi. itu alasannya. kalian yang selalu datang ketika hanya ada maunya saja. waktu kalian butuh contekan pr, tugas, ulangan atau apalah itu... kita nggak papa kok, kita malah seneng dikasih tanggung jawab. itu sama artinya dengan kita diberi kepercayaan kan? hanya...yang membuat kita sedikit sebal itu karena... kalian jarang sekali atau bahkan mungkin tidak pernah melakukan sedikit hal manis ke kita. let me give an example....(eh nggak usah ding nggak perlu segitunya juga kali nin-_-).

berulang kali saya berada di titik jenuh. pada saat semester awal, setiap hari saya tak henti-hentinya bercerita apa saja yang baru terjadi di kelas dan teman-teman saya. dan...tak sadar, kadang bulir air mata jatuh dengan lembut. apa ya...semacam tak kuasa, merasa...argh. undescribable feeling banget. random gak sih. cuma gara-gara belum punya temen deket aja udah ngejer nangis sampek begitu. alay emang. cuma...hingga pada saat titik-titik jenuh tertentu.

saya--kami--kita hanya ingin untuk dihargai. intinya gitu. jangan datang waktu butuh aja dong. lagian, kita semua punya badan yang makroskopis kan? nggak perlu dilihat dengan bantuan mikroskop kan? kenapa kalian hanya untuk sekedar 'say hi' aja tidak bisa? itu hal yang menyakitkan. susahkah bagi kalian untuk melontarkan sapaan tersebut? atau...kah kalian memang menganggap kami tidak ada? jadi...kalian hanya berfiikir kita hanyalah butiran pentol? eh salah maksud saya...debu? seperti kata rumor. ah ya sudahlah.

honestly...I'd rather being an invisible than never be appreciated by people arounds me.

You know, sometimes when people starts to talk about their problems they just need to be heard without need a solution. It's like a water in the glass. When you always pour a water into the glass without you never drink that water...somehow the water will be flood up. It's same with our problems. We can't always keep our problems alone, we need to share with the other. Just to be heard. It can make you feel free. Right?

Karmin - Brokenhearted

This is more than the typical kinda thing
Felt the jones in my bones when you were touching me, uh oh
Didn't wanna take it slow
In a daze, going crazy, I can barely think
You're replaying in my brain, find it hard to sleep, uh oh
Waiting for my phone to blow
Uh oh yep

Now I'm here in a sticky situation
Got a little trouble, yep and now I'm pacing
Five minutes, ten minutes, now it's been an hour
Uh don't wanna think too hard, but I'm sour

Uh oh, I can't seem to let you go

See, I've been waiting all day
For you to call me baby
So let's get up, let's get on it
Don't you leave me brokenhearted tonight
Come on, that's right
Honest baby, I'll do anything you want to
So can we finish what we started
Don't you leave me brokenhearted tonight
Come on, that's right, cheerio

What's the time, such a crime
Not a single word, sipping on a Patrón
Just to calm my nerves, uh oh
Poppin' bottles by the phone
Oh yeah
Had me up, had me down, turn me inside out
That's enough, call me up
Maybe I'm in doubt, uh oh
I don't even think you know, no no

See, I've been waiting all day
For you to call me baby
So let's get up, let's get on it
Don't you leave me brokenhearted tonight
Come on, that's right
Honest baby, I'll do anything you want to
So can we finish what we started
Don't you leave me brokenhearted tonight
Come on, that's right, cheerio

Anything you wanna do, I'll be on it too
Everything you say is like go with the view
Business on the front, party in the back
Maybe I was wrong, was the outfit really wack?

This kinda thing doesn't happen usually
I'm on the opposite side of it, truthfully
I know you want it so come and get it, cheerio

See, I've been waiting all day
For you to call me baby
So let's get up, let's get on it
Don't you leave me brokenhearted tonight, ohhhohohhhoohhhh
Honest baby, I'll do anything you want to
So can we finish what we started
Don't you leave me brokenhearted tonight
Come on, that's right, cheeri, cheerio

When you gonna call
Don't leave me broken hearted
I've been waiting up
Let's finish what we started, oh oh
I can't seem to let you go
Come on, that's right, cheerio, uh!

#bepositive

Stop complaining, never underestimate, always optimism and keep focus! #bepositive

Weird

Well...hello I go back after finished my middle test...

It's cloudy night...
So, I'll tell you the reason why I open this blog and decided to write some words here... Last night I was open someone's blog........my dad student's girlfriend who's now is like my brother... You may belive me or not but.... I suddenly cry when read her post...in every her post that tell about her boyfriend. That's to simply cute and...hurt anyways... And I was so amazed with her career. Awesome banget deh duar duarrr...
I've learned everything from her blog... I learn to be more focus with my school and I really really want to can make my dream come to be true. I also learn to be stronger girl. Annnddd, I like her write' style...it's adorable...maybe someday when I meet her I'll learn how to make a good post. Hehehe

It's about saturday night...and I'm not goin' anywhere...here, in this house with my grandma... My mom taking my dad to the hospital...he was sick...since yesterday... I've been so sad today... I don't know what should I do tonight... I feel so alone... I really want to make a conversation, but that's not easy for me to say what I'm thinking now... Seems like nerves in my brain lost a connection to making some sentences.

Today, they--and him can't come to my home because all of them prepare for piktar that would begin on the next week. And he didn't reply my message...uh... He's not anyone for me juga sih haha ((: I think he's busy now...because his friends from another academy kan come to Surabaya._. I just worry with his healthy... I always texts to remind him for eat...but he never want to hear my advice about this a ny more-_-

Surely, first I don't have any words to describing my feeling...today. Since this morning, Idk why these tears can comes suddenly...and they're continue to running out then fallin and fallin without I knew the reason why... I just feel so sad with my condition now... It's like I lost something but Idk what... Do you ever feel the same? uh? It's hard right? You can't find the reason why are you feeling so sad and what actually make you cry...

Time flies so fast, life goes on and so people changed. And I did it too. I think I've changed. I can't lie. I'm not sure when I actually 'act' to be another of mine. Yes, that's true...everybodys always have two sides. But...since in senior high school...........in front of them (my shs' friends) I ACT TOO MUCH. I'm not grass who hasn't friends anymore or I'm so nerd because now I stand in somewhere that I never expected before. No I'm not. That's totally wrong. I've tried and learn to be comfort in here with all of these situation that I never dream before without my bestfriends. Whereas we're only separated by a school' fence. But we seldom to meet. I can't find someone who 'truly' can accept me for who I really am. Who can hear my curhatan which not important at all haha :'') (ps: sometimes when I think about it...I feel like I'm lil bit crazy...but that was so fun hehe...I need to be heard by someone... And thanks for it...now I really need someone like you--all of you guys), who can see my cryyy, because I was so UNSTABLE! wuahahaha =))

Back to the first._. The point is...I haven't get a 'close friends' yet. Ugh, that's a bad thing? Um yeah :(
Idk why now I'm too difficult to start a conversation with people...whereas I'm a talkative and cheerful girl when I was in junior high school. It may cause I don't like 'em? Or should I jb jb (join bareng.red) when they were planning or talking about something? But...I don't like that way anymore._. Now...I'd like (or maybe the right word is choose) to be quiet and a passive person. Idk what can make me changed my mind like that. Annnd, the worst thing...I would never ever let myself to grow like I wrote in the above. HAAAH! I MISS BEING OLD OF ME. Sorry I'm error, confused, getting frustrated...and...NOOO-_- huhuhu :(

I need someone who can hear my feelings...
a fingertips that will wipe a tears in my eyes...
a shoulder to leaning on when I cry...
a sentences that will make me believe if I'm okay and everything will be goin' allright...
Hope someday, somewhere I can meet that person...

Ps: Mmm...why I write this post using a full of english is because I really really want to make my english' skill better... So, I need to practice it. Hehe, I'm sorry for the bad grammar-_-v But my dad told me, if we don't need to worry with grammar...it doesn't matter... Because the important thing is someone you've talk to can get your point... Last but not least...please correct my english and tell me what my mistakes. So I can reform it^^ Thanksss

Let's enjoy this night :) love y' all :3